“Was I Fired Because of my Asexuality? Revisited” AKA in which I am automatically a cold, rude, liar because of my asexual orientation and mental illness.
Two years ago, I wrote a post here Was I Fired Because of My Asexuality? about an incident that happened at an ex-workplace.
It should be noted that at no point did I ever receive any negative feedback on this post—to my face. I received no negative or hostile comments on this blog. I did however, turn up some rather nasty things people had to say about it elsewhere on the internet—anonymously, big surprise.
Here are some of the things anons on the internet had to say:
“this is why you were fired. you didn’t talk to your coworkers you probably acted cold and distant to them never interested. this sent off vibes you had a bad attitude. AND THEN YOU WERE RUDE TO YOUR BOSS THAT sealed the deal over him thinking you had a bad attitude.”
This anon asserts that I was fire for being cold, distant, and uninterested in my co-workers. They also assert that I was rude to my boss.
Since I made it pretty clear in my post that I wasn’t cold or uninterested, merely shy, I can only presume that the above anon thinks I am a liar as well.
As for why I was fired, well, I think my boss made it pretty clear why SHE thought she was firing me. According to her, I was a mentally ill pathological liar. That’s not firing someone because they’re rude; that’s firing someone because you think they’re mentally ill. You don’t get much a much clearer case of ableist firing in the workplace than a boss outright telling you that they’re firing you because you’re a crazy liar, and that you need a psychiatrist.
As for why I am dredging up these old comments now, when they certainly have very little worth… Well, I think they’re a quite nice example of the sorts of conclusions people jump to about asexuals. It’s interesting how anti-asexual champions of queer issues are so quick to ignore a clear case of discriminatory firing against the mentally ill (“You’re mentally ill, a liar, need therapy, YOU’RE FIRED”.) But hey, what is intersectionality, when there’s a chance to bash on those inherently homophobic slut-shaming asexuals, amirite?
Anyway, onto another comment:
“i do not believe for one second the coworker went into long detailed descrips of her bf’s dick
tho considering this is all written from the asexy’s pov, it was probably more like “i saw my boyfriend last night” and she just turned that into “my boyfriend pounded me into the mattress with his glorious pulsating six inches” bc the only thing non-asexuals do is fuck, right?”
Well, right there. I’m a liar and delusional because I’m asexual. I stock condoms, vibrators, and lube, assist customers with some deeply personal health and sexual issues at my current job, but wait… I’m so terrified and hysterical over even something so innocuous as a girl talking about her boyfriend, that I hallucinate sex stories to get upset over.
Yeah right. THAT seems like a healthy and non-stereotyped view of an asexual, right? No. None of those anons know me… but they know right off the bat that I am a liar and delusional. How? Why, I’m asexual, of course.
Oh but asexuals don’t have to deal with negative stereotypes, do they? Everything is peachy keen for us. /sarcasm
This person presents the asexual POV as inherently dishonest and warped.
You know, if a customer walked up to me today and started talking to me about his penis, I wouldn’t be at all put out. It’s practically in my job description. But you know what? I still don’t want to hear about my co-worker’s partner’s junk. Nope. Not ever. Not getting paid for that shit.
I did, however, learn that it’s something I should put up with. Now I say nothing when male co-workers make such timeless sexual abuse jokes as “old enough to read, old enough to breed”. Now I just smile and take it when a male coworker I barely know decides it’s cool to talk about how large my breasts are, and compare them to his girlfriend’s.
I don’t like being unemployed. I’ve already seen what employers think of my word as an asexual, mentally ill female bodied person. Thanks to the internet, I’ve also even gotten a glimpse at what many non-asexual people think of my word.
We’ve seen what they think of Adria Richard’s word. We’ve seen what they think of god knows how many female-bodied people’s word, or mentally ill people’s words, or GSRM people’s words.
Anyway, let’s pick through some more comments that are indicative of the type of reaction asexual people being fired for being asexual will be likely to receive (aka, even if they have a ton of proof, they’re all most likely going to be considered bullshit liars according to non-asexuals):
“with how asexuals on the internet treat queer people on the internet i wonder how many of their “i was fired for being asexy!!!1!” stories should actually be “i was fired for being an asshole to someone who was queer and i did it in the name of being asexy”
Here, not only are asexuals who say they were fired for being asexual disbelieved, but their firing is automatically chalked up to homophobia. This, despite the fact that a very large portion of asexuals are trans* or homo/bi/pan-romantic. Doesn’t matter. We’re still all homophobes, in the eyes of many anti-asexuals.
“tbh i think they’re full of shit about being fired and just co-opting queer people’s stories and the lack of deets for their claims doesn’t help”
or they were just fired for being an annoying ass about their asexiness”
This last one actually has me quite curious. What IS “being an annoying ass about their asexiness”? What does that constitute? Talking about asexuality? Talking about asexual issues? Talking about their asexual partners or relationships? Do they mean complaining about sexuality in the workplace? (That’s hardly an asexual action; see: Adria Richards, who as far as I know, is not asexual).
The last string of comments I’d like to address is one that was prompted by my mentioning that incompatibility with coworkers is considered a valid reason to fire an employee.
“wait can you really get fired for not talking to your coworkers
like is that actually a thing”
“if you actively oppose the atmosphere of the workplace, yeah
i mean if you’re just quiet but kinda nice and still friendly then it’s probably no big deal
but if you storm off whenever coworkers start talking and act like that dumb asexy, well…”
This is a quite interesting and telling line. If you’ve read my original post, you know that my reaction to my coworker was described by me like this:
“when Christie chose to go into long, detailed descriptions of her boyfriends’ genitalia and her sex life with him, I chose to go over and clean the ice cream machines, or sweep the floors.”
Going over and doing the (mandatory) menial cleaning chores while someone was chatting, in a work environment where we were technically not allowed to talk or to stand idle, is a pretty far ways off from “storming off”, I think.
But of course, we can’t forget that I am an asexual and mentally ill, and thus, a deluded liar who cannot be trusted to accurately describe my own experiences.
I (in my lying liar deluded point of view) would have thought that I was a quiet and shy, but still nice and friendly person. I guess I probably WAS wrong. A nice and friendly person is apparently a person who doesn’t make a peep about the sexism, racism, sexual harassment,homophobia, cissexism, ableism, and body-shaming in the workplace that make it a hostile environment.
Good thing I learned my lesson about that.